New Year

The Jewish new year, Rosh Hashanah, begins a contemplative time that asks us each to take a hard look inside ourselves. Prayer seeks to offer a form of apology to God but doesn’t have any effect on our relationships with friends, family, colleagues, vendors, etc.

I used to make an effort to ask as many people for their forgiveness for any slights or other offenses I might have committed against them. Mostly, I did not single out anything specific. Often, they looked at me like I was a little nuts or they wondered what Ihad done that they were not aware of.

One year, I tried a mass approach with an e-mail. At least one person felt slighted by the e-mail because it was not personal. Essentially, I always manage to piss someone off. So, I’m sorry if this message offends you but it’s my way of expressing my feelings.

I know that in the past I had a sometimes very abrasive personality. Those who are already laughing by my use of “in the past” continue to view me that way and, I’m sure, with good cause. I believe that I have significantly tempered that side of my personality but, since I tend to wear my feelings on my sleeve, as they say, I’m sure when I feel depressed, pout, am angry and display other negative feelings, I do reveal a side of me I wish would remain hidden. I’d like to be even tempered, always. I’d like to express how much I appreciate your friendship… how good I believe you are… how lucky we all are to have you on planet earth. I’d like to feel loved all the time. You deserve that. Yet, often I let you down.

This is why I am sorry. I hope I have been doing better but I know how much one negative experience contributes to an overall feeling, even when there is much positive going on too. You see, in addition to being abrasive, I’m incredibly sensitive. I need positive reinforcement all the time. Even though I am reasonably successful at what I do, if I have a slump, I view it as a calamity. I get very anxious and self-deprecating. I realize this seems to be saying, “stroke me, please.” What I mean to say is that I hope to do better so you won’t have to stroke me (at least so I don’t keep asking for it). I’d rather stroke you because. Like I said, YOU DESERVE IT!

Happy new year. Wishing you good health, success, prosperity and good friends to share it with. You already have on good friend... me.

Sincerely,
A.

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